Exchange rates for valuable items that fly into the stands

Last Sunday night, while the Giants were being drubbed by the Colts in their new stadium, Brandon Jacobs flung his helmet into the stands in frustration. While the league may be concerned with fan safety and discipline for Jacobs, the bigger issue is what happened after a fan had secured the helmet.

If someone throws a helmet at you, and you happen to catch it and not be injured by it, most would think, “Hey, that was a close one. But at least I got this cool new helmet!” Unfortunately for the fan, that wasn’t the case. Stadium officials attempted to retrieve the helmet from the fan, when he was reluctant, they exchanged it for a football.

This is a common practice in sports. A valuable item makes its way into the stands, a fan retrieves it, and stadium officials bribe it off said fan with some other type of memorabilia.

Was the fan who got the helmet ripped off? Yes. But it’s his own fault. If he had only been up to date on the current exchange rates for valuable items that fly into stands during a sporting event, than he could have known to demand more.

For those of you looking to avoid this man’s fate, here are some up to date exchange rates.

–Player’s bat that slips out of his hands = Another bat, not game used, plus an ice cream in a helmet cup.

–A player’s first major league home run ball = Two tickets to a future game, a team signed game ball (if the team is good, if it sucks, than just the ball and some good players signatures) and an ice cream in a helmet cup.

–A game winning field goal ball = Season tickets and locker room access to celebrate with the team.

–An NBA jersey tossed from an ejected player = A replica jersey autographed by the ejected player, a picture with the ejected player with you in a headlock, and hand sanitizer.

–Alex Rodriguez’s 700th home run ball = Bus fare.

–Basketball punted into the stands by Nick Nolte = Two tickets to an upcoming game, a signed copy of his famous mug shot, and a Blu Ray copy of The Thin Red Line.

–A Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder taken as a hostage = Carmel corn and a miniature bat.

–$100 cash accidentally flung from an assistant coach’s money clip during a timeout = A rigging of the kiss cam so that it lands on you and your hot, yet uninterested, sister’s friend.

–Brandon Jacob’s helmet = Another Giants helmet, a football, a riot shield to protect you from future helmet attack, season tickets, and ice cream in a helmet cup.

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About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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One Response to Exchange rates for valuable items that fly into the stands

  1. Nathan says:

    Haha, love it!

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