Swimsuit Issue

Here it is everybody, the day you’ve all been waiting for. Locker Room Cancer is doing it’s very own Swimsuit Issue. An entire article dedicated to the storied past, the exciting future and the so-so present of the swimsuit.

History:

Understanding the purpose and history of the swimsuit is a long and unnecessary pursuit. The first swimsuit was invented by Leonardo DiVinci when he got a rash from walking around in wet slacks after losing a bet and having to jump into the Mediterranean. Nothing happened with swimsuits for a long time until someone invented the string. No one knows who. Now board shorts seem to be pretty big.

Fun facts:

-The swim suit didn’t start as, or at no point was, an actual “suit.” Like, you know, with a tie and jacket.

-If you laid out all the swimsuits in the world in a straight line, you would have led a silly and pointless life.

-Moms still sometime call swimsuits “swim trunks” or just “trunks,” but it is frowned upon.

-The “American Swimsuit Convention” is held in Fargo every 3 years.

-The bikini as an improvement to the swimsuit is most comparable to pumpkin pie as an improvement to pumpkin.

-Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey has never worn a swimsuit.

-Without water, it is unlikely the swimsuit would have become necessary.

-The word swimsuit spelled backward is tiusmiws.

-A lawsuit and a swimsuit have no connections you could  point out in an attempt to be funny.

-If you show up at a water park and forgot your swimsuit, you are stupid. If you show up at a water park, forgot your swimsuit, and the water park offers you a “house” swimsuit, do not put it on.

Swimsuit Science!

When someone’s in a hot tub, and the bubbles make a person’s swimsuit blow up and release air to make it look like they  farted, 30 percent of the time there’s actual fart mixed in there.

Time for you to weigh in…

Advertisements

About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Swimsuit Issue

  1. I was looking for a damned calander: 12 months of Jeff Dye. This is a ripoff!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s