Another NoNo: Explanations for the pitching dominance this year

Matt Garza threw the fifth no-hitter of the season Monday night. Two of those no-hitters have been perfect games (three if it weren’t for a blown call). This certainly will be remembered as the year of the pitcher. The question is, what do we attribute that to?

Occam’s Razor (the simplest explanation is usually the correct one) suggests steroid testing has cleaned up the game and the hitters no longer have an advantage. But Occam’s Gillete Six Blade Ultra Glide, with beard and mustache trimmer, suggests the following…

-Catchers’ distracting banter has improved with the help of Urban Dictionary. Taunts including the phrases “Alabama Hot Pocket” and “Remasculate” are way tougher to handle than “Hey Batter Batter.”

-Batters are forgetting the count. Lowered attention spans from watching television and Youtube have resulted in hitters not being able to recall how many strikes they have on them during an at-bat.

-Pitchers practiced more last off-season.

-Global warming

-Batters have a lot of personal shit going on in their lives right now that they really would rather not talk about.

-Somebody lost the good bat.

-Pitchers have embraced “The Secret.”

-When there is two strikes on a hitter playing in an opposing ball field, the number of fans who stand up and cheer for a strike out is up 26 percent.

-The rise of the slurve. It’s not a slider, it’s not a curveball, IT’S A SLURVE!!!!

– Every movie being in 3-D has screwed up batters depth perception.

-In this economy, it’s tough to hit home runs.

-A renewed emphasis on defense as a way to add value to your team. Oh wait, sorry, that’s a real reason.

-Dying kids’ Make-a-Wishes are trending away from asking hitters to hit home runs for them, and toward asking pitchers to throw no-hitters for them.

The important thing to remember is, this stuff goes in cycles. So clearly a knee-jerk reaction from Major League Baseball is in order to increase scoring.

About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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