Ejected Lebron James Miami Heat jersey-wearer releases statement

A man wearing a Lebron James Miami Heat jersey to a Cleveland Indians game was tossed out during the sixth inning on Wednesday.

After he started heckling fans, they responded forcefully. It got to the point where security decided it was just easier to remove him and his girlfriend.

Here’s the statement the ejected fan released today:

“I’d like to address the incident that occurred on Wednesday night at Jacob’s Field during the Indians game.

I enjoy being the center of attention. As such, what better way to gain that attention than wearing the brand new jersey of Cleveland’s biggest betrayer at a Cleveland sporting event.

Of course, I never expected there to be any actual consequences to my decision. I am aware they were burning Lebron James jerseys in the streets of Cleveland, but I did not expect to be the victim of such unfair and harsh treatment.

I paid for a ticket. That gives me the right to wear whatever jersey I want. If that incites a riot, kick out the rioters. It’s only fair.

I mean, I barely even got to do that move where people start to heckle me and I put my arms out and wave for more. I just started to point my thumbs at the name James on my jersey when things got out of hand.

Even worse, I was there with my girlfriend. It’s one thing for me to have to go through this humiliation, but to drag her through it is inexcusable. Yes, I knew there would be some humiliation involved when I decided to wear the jersey to the game. But it was an acceptable amount  of humiliation that I thought I was dragging her through.

Sure, I thought there would definitely be moments where she had her head in her hands, asking me to be quiet. Or moments asking if we could leave early, and I’d tell her to shut-up because I paid for these tickets and we’re staying till the end. Never in my life did I expect we would be escorted out by security.

I’m just following in the glorious tradition of ban-wagoning, cliche’-spouting, idiot sports-fans that came before me.  Whether it be the fan from Minnesota who bought a Kobe jersey during Kobe’s rape trial, the Seahawks fan who thought it was awesome that Terrell Owens had a Sharpie in his sock and autographed a football after his touchdown in Quest Field, or the WWE fan who cheered when Hulk Hogan turned evil… it’s in these footsteps I am following.

For these reasons, I expect a full apology from the Indians organization, the city of Cleveland, and that one guy who threw a mustard-covered pretzel at me. I also want a refund of my ticket and a new Miami Heat Lebron James jersey because mustard is really hard to get out. And I want Lebron to autograph the new jersey. I mean, clearly he owes it to me.

In conclusion, I understand I am an archetype of the awful sports fan. I am allergic to loyalty. The idea of sticking with a team after it loses its best player makes me sneeze. But there has to be a place for me somewhere in sports Fandom. And I shouldn’t be escorted from that place by security while people hurl insults and mustard at me. It shouldn’t be so much to ask that someone can spit in the face of a sports community and not receive any comeuppance for it. Thank you.”

About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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One Response to Ejected Lebron James Miami Heat jersey-wearer releases statement

  1. Jason says:

    And ESPN had that idiot on Sportscenter today. And another piece of their journalistic integrity dies.

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