Mailbag

Time for the first-ever Locker Room Cancer mailbag. Since this blog is such a provocative and thought-provoking provocateur, it receives a tremendous amount of reader e-mails.

This mailbag is a chance to respond to these e-mails. Of course these are real messages from real readers.

Q:Your new WordPress.com blog has been successfully set up. —The WordPress.com Team

LRC: Well thank-you WordPress. Obviously without your hard work none of this would be possible. There are some formatting concerns, but there’s no need to get into all that right now.

Q: Get ready for the season with the Seattle Seahawks Fans community on Facebook. Discuss the off-season team changes, rally fellow fans, and talk smack to your opponents in the best Seattle Seahawks fan community around.  —Seattle Seahawks Fans

LRC: That’s true, the NFL season is just around the corner. For the record, fan communities on Facebook have proven to be somewhat effective in the college ranks, but useless in the pros.

Q: Dear Andrew,

Now that we’ve received your application for the position Seasonal 2010 Customer Service Rep Part-time, you can expect us to take a close look at it as soon as possible.  We will contact you if we determine that you have the right skills and experience for the job.

—Blockbuster Recruiting

LRC: Experience to get a job done is important. That’s going to be a big concern for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays’ pitching staff as the Rays head into the home stretch of the pennant race.

Q: En1argeYourPenis 1-4 inches or your MoneyBack. —Flavia Delphine

LRC: What have you heard?

Q:Headliner and Feature Needed NW III: week starting 09.20.10

Wed: Warm Springs, OR/ Kah-Nee-Ta High Desert Resort & Indian Head Casino NO PAY-OUT AT THE PROPERTY

Thu: OPEN AS OF THIS EMAIL

Fri: Thu: Pendleton, OR/The Wildhorse Resort/72777 Hwy. 331/541.278.2274; Showtime: 8:00PM

—Michael J. (Tribblerunbookings)

LRC: This brings up a great point about bye weeks in an NFL schedule. At what point in the season a team has its bye week can sometimes be vital to a season. Most coaches agree right around week eight or nine, in the middle of the season, is best.

Q: Dear Friend, I am a director in the foreign affairs department of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC).

In May 2001, a contract of sixty-six million United States dollars ($66,000,000) was awarded to a foreign company by my ministry. The contract was supply, erection and system optimization of supper polyore 200,000-bpsd, system optimization of 280,000-monax axial plants and the computerization of conveyor belt for Kaduna refinery. With only the consent of the head of the contract evaluation department, I over invoiced the contract value by thirty four million United States dollars ($34,000,000)

We sincerely need an honest person to work with and have agreed to share the money in the following percentages, 70% will be for us who will effect the transfer and 30% will be for you whose account is used to secure the funds. There is no risk involvement because applications will be made to the concerned Federal ministries and parastatal with official approvals given by the Federal government.

If you are interested, contact me by Email through osmund@2by2.ne indicating your full names or company name and address. Your direct telephone and fax numbers. The name and address of the bank you will like us to deposit the money, the telephone and fax numbers of the bank, your account number etc. .

For obvious reasons, please keep the proposal top secret and highly confidential.

—Mr. Cole Joseph

LRC: Wow. That sounds like an amazing offer. And it seems like the kind of thing you have to jump on fast. You’ll get that info by the end of the day. And thanks for reading.

Well, that’s the first edition of the Locker Room Cancer mailbag. Sorry if your e-mail didn’t appear in this edition, maybe next time. Thanks for reading. And keep writing in!


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About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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4 Responses to Mailbag

  1. MitchTheComic says:

    Sleighter, I have to say that the Locker room mail bag is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. It was probably one of the easist things you’ve done comedically, but hands down, you made it hillarious!

    I’m subscribing now…also since you mentioned the bye week and it’s importance in the schedule, how do you think the Seahawks will be affected since their’s is during week five or do you think that their overall suckiness will outweigh the affect of the bye week being so early in the season?

    Also if you are in town for a home game let me know. I have season tickets. That’s right, I’m willing to bribe you with free seahawks games to ensure you remember me since I’m so easily forgotten.

  2. Well thank-you Mitch. I think the Seahawks won’t be as sucky as you might think, but I agree the bye week comes a bit earlier than one might like. As far as tickets go, currently I’m not sure if I’m going to be back during a home game. I’m sure I’m going to get back to make at least a couple, but not sure which dates yet. And, obviously, you wouldn’t be forgotten either way.

  3. Andrew really funny, nicely done.

    I have liked all the stuff I’ve read..but I’m lazy and just commenting on this one.

  4. Pingback: 2010 State of the Blog | Locker Room Cancer

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