Dr. James Andrews: Healer

Brett Favre, who’s still deciding whether he’s healthy enough to play football this year, consulted with Dr. James Andrews on Thursday about his ankle.

If the name Dr. James Andrew sounds familiar, it should. (If you read a lot about sports. Otherwise you might just be one of those people who always says, “that name sounds familiar,” even though they’ve never heard of the person in their life).

Dr. Andrews is the highest profiled sports doc working today. His client list is a who’s who of the modern sports superstar, including Albert Pujols, Alex Rodriguez, Peyton Manning and Triple H, just to name a few.

So who is this man? And why is he so in demand?

James Andrews was born in 1942 in Homer, Louisiana and came out of the womb with a surgical mask on. He performed his first surgery at age 13. Unlike Doogie Howser however, it was unsuccessful. The wrongful death suit set a record at the time for damages in the state of Louisiana.

He currently practices at the Andrews Institute for Orthapedics and Sport Medicine in Gulf Breeze, Florida. Alternative names for the clinic, “Slice’em Dice’em put it on Ice’m” and “Happy Time Surgical House” were rejected.

Not a man known for his humility, he once boasted that he was the love child of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and House. Also claimed that he’s doing for the injured athlete what Jesus did for the blind.

He’s perfected “Tommy John” surgery, which is where you take a ligament from the leg and use it to replace a ligament in the arm. But contrary to popular thought, he did not invent this maneuver. He did invent the much less successful “Johnny Tom” surgery, which is where you take out the ligament, shake it, and put it back in backwards.

Dr. Andrews betrays his Hippocratic oath by refusing to treat anyone who hasn’t made some sort of all-star team.

He has two children. Their names are Scalpel Andrews and Sixtoeightweeks Andrews. He is terrible at the game “Operation.” This drives him insane, but his family out votes him every game-night so he has to play it weekly.

His favorite movie is Scarface. Pretty lame, right?

When he finishes a surgery, he places a sticker above the scar letting the patient know when they need to come back in for another surgery.

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About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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