The lost Matt Christopher novels

Matt Christopher was a prolific children’s author whose novels centered around sports. Books like The Catcher with the Glass Arm, The Kid who Only Hit Homers and Tough to Tackle are credited with turning many reluctant young readers on to books.

Although he died in 1997 at the age of 80, there’s always been rumors of unpublished works locked away in his attic. These “lost” books are said to have been written by Christopher late in his life, many right before his death.

Locker Room Cancer is lucky enough to have obtained some info about these unpublished Christopher novels, that for whatever reason remain kept away from the public.

The Girl with Bats for Arms

After a freak elevator door accident, a young girl has to have her arms amputated and replaced by softball bats for some reason. She is shunned at her school until the high school league adds the designated hitter and she becomes a town hero.

The Kid who Held Out for a Better Contract

Johnny Molson plays for a corrupt select basketball league in the south that pays young it’s young players. Johnny, who thinks his deal is unfair, holds out for the first 6 games of the new season. The team, after going 2-4, caves and gives Johnny the money he wants.

The Kid who Shot Up the Dugout

Clearly what would have been the darkest of the Christopher books, Kevin Jordan, a 15-year-old who is tired of being put in left field, is bullied at home and at school. He finally gets revenge on his tormentors by finding an old rifle in his grandfathers basement and taking out half his teammates in the dugout.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Wisdom

He really missed out by not getting this one out early.

The Goalie who didn’t like Fish

This story set in Duluth, Minnesota is about a young ice-hockey goalie who didn’t like the taste of fish.  His mom tries to make him try it, he resists at first but then it turns out he likes it.

Android All-Star

Set in the not-too-distant future, a human-looking robot is the star center fielder for its high school baseball team in Indiana. When the small town finds out the androids secret that it’s not human, they turn on it and it’s creator, mad-scientist Alfred Coble.

Jesus Couldn’t Hit a Curveball

This is just 80 pages of non-sequiturs. Including “Pets can talk, we’re just not listening,” “Space men intimidate me,” “Can’t we do  anything about the God-damned Swedes!” and “Youth sports are boring and slowly killing this country.”


About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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4 Responses to The lost Matt Christopher novels

  1. The stupid “Goalie” book description was too funny.

  2. Rye says:

    I agree. They were all funny but the Goalie one made me actually laugh. Out loud. If only there were a quicker way to express that reaction.

  3. Rye says:

    sidenote: an unintentionally funny thing about your blog are the recommendations for “possibly related posts” that WordPress throws out there. It linked this with “Congratulations Class of 2010!! You Did It!!” which was photos of someone named Christopher’s graduation. It’s like Word Press’ AI is some alcoholic ad-man. “Hey, the kids like Christophers, lets just throw more Christophers at them.”

  4. Haha, I noticed that related posts thing. I would love to take that off, but not quite sure how yet. I agree they use the word related loosely.

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