Say It Louder University

Are you stuck in a dead-end job? Do you hate your career? Is life going pretty well but you’re one of those people who can’t handle happiness and want to take a big risk?

Yes? To which one? All three? Well that doesn’t make much sense, they’re mutually exclus… doesn’t matter. So you’re stupid, that actually works for this. Read on for the opportunity of a lifetime.

A lot of people listen to sports-talk radio personalities and say to themselves, “Hey, I could do that.” Did you know that, unlike when they say this about tight-rope walkers or X-ray technicians, they’re right?

All it takes is enrolling at Say It Louder University, the first ever technical school designed specifically for grooming sports-talk radio hosts.

Visit Say It Louder’s beautiful seasonal campus located on the Evergreen County Fairgrounds and you’ll be hooked. See our famous Jim Rome statue. Walk through Say It Louder Stadium (the computer lab where the school’s fantasy football team is maintained).

Our teachers are experts with real life experience in sports radio, and you know its true because most of them are fat! Take courses that prepare you for the life of a sports talk radio host, including:

Flirting awkwardly with the traffic girl 101

Intro to laughing at nothing

Advanced explaining why you were right

Hackyned cliche’s 233

Schilling diet products in the current economic climate

How to come up with names for your listeners

Intro to calling someone out

and many more!

Don’t let lack of talent, poor hygiene or minimal understanding of sports stand in the way of your dream of becoming a sports talk radio host. Especially if you didn’t know it was your dream until after reading this.

After just 9 weeks* at Say It Louder University, you’ll have a degree and be instantly more qualified than 89 percent of the sports talk radio hosts out there today. Enroll now, and get special discount offers on products from P90X, Nutrisystem, Extense, Nielson Bros. Cheverolet, Cash for Gold and Slingbox.

Say It Louder University: Become an expert at pretending to be an expert.

*Spring break counts as one of the weeks

About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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