NBA contraction warning signs

NBA commissioner David Stern suggested last week that eliminating up to four NBA teams as a cost cutting measure could be a possible solution to the current labor dispute in the league.

This set off much speculation as to which teams could be on the chopping block. The Hornets, Clippers, Grizzlies, Timberwolves, Kings and Bobcats have all been included in contraction talks.

If you’re worried that your favorite team might be getting the axe after this season, here’s some warning signs to look out for.

-The mascot wraps the T-shirts in his resumé before launching them out of the T-shirt cannon.

-In response to a question about next season, the coach laughs and says, “Yeah, next season.”

-Panicky scrubs are seen studying for the state real estate exam at the end of the bench.

-“NBA arena for rent” ads on Craigslist.

-David Stern tells you there’s nothing to worry about.

-Ball rack give-away nights.

-Marketing campaign for the season, “Hornets Basketball… The Conclusion”

-You call to renew your season tickets and the person on the other line asks you how much Pho’ you want.

-David Stern tells every city that’s going to have a team next year to take one step forward, then tells your city “not so fast.”


About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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