Vick picked up in PETA fantasy league

Michael Vick, now owned in 100 percent of fantasy leagues.

In a move that shocked and angered PETA fantasy league owners and members alike, Michael Vick was picked up in free agency and added to the “Animals R. R. Equals,” a team owned by PETA treasurer Rick Corbin.

Corbin’s team sneaked into his league’s playoffs with a 6-6 record, and his quarterback, Matt Cassell, is questionable this week after getting his appendix taken out.

“Look, I know how this looks to people.” Corbin said. “But honestly, I just think the guy’s rehabilitated… Plus have you seen how good he’s been playing? The guy’s quarterback rating is higher than Brady’s. And he was just sitting there in free agency.”

PETA vice-president, and owner of the first place “Free Air-Bud’s,” John Hitchcock disagrees with Corbin’s motivation.

“While we all are happy with Vick’s dedication to speaking out against dog fighting, he is still an unacceptable choice to be on any of our fantasy teams,” Hitchcock said.

“There was an unwritten rule that none of us would draft or add him to our teams. Corbin’s rationale is bullshit. It’s not like the rest of us didn’t know he was having a fantastic season. But as the faces of PETA we chose not to sacrifice our morals.”

“Just because his crappy team’s crappy quarterback is hurt, now he’s going to pull this stunt? It’s outrageous.”

Corbin insists his intentions are noble.

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in Vick’s production,” Corbin said. “So I’m not going to say that. What I will say is that as long as he keeps up this statistical pace, I for one am willing to offer complete forgiveness on the behalf of dogs for all that crap he pulled. As a high-ranking official in PETA I am authorized to do that.”

PETA issued a statement that Corbin is not authorized to do that.

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About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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