Sports Mutinies

The Detroit Pistons starting-five staged a mutiny during their first practice after the All-Star break.

All five starters, citing different reasons (if they gave a reason at all) skipped practice. Apparently their problem is how much they hate their head coach.

This mutiny is a little passive aggressive and doesn’t really send the kind of message I’m sure the players were hoping for. Sports mutinies are much more dramatic in the movies.

In honor of the Oscars, here’s my nominees for best sports mutiny in a movie.

Varsity Blues: “We’re going back out there without you or not at all”

You cost me my perfect season Billy Bob!

So Jon Voight, you want to shoot-up players full of morphine and make them play on a bum knee? Well, James Van Der Beek and his loyal teammates can coach themselves thank-you very much. You just sit in here and go crazy and we’ll go out and win another championship.

Bad News Bears: “Don’t throw the ball”

If dad doesn’t like your last pitch, and he’s slapped you around one too many times, your only recourse is to tank the game. Nothing says I hate my coach like fielding a grounder and refusing to throw until the guy rounds third and scores. Take that evil coach/dad! Now, this didn’t result in the manager losing his job, but it certainly sent a message. (Also interesting to note, Walter Matheau narrowly avoided his own mutiny by learning the spirit of youth baseball at the last minute).

Rudy: “Turning in your jerseys/Chanting”

Oh, you don’t want to let our emotional senior leader suit up for the final home game of his career? Well, than take my unfolded jersey because I’m not suiting up either. Oh, you don’t want to let him play during the last meaningless minutes of the last game of the season? Well how does this chant taste? Happy to see you’ve changed your mind. You can keep your job. Chanting is also a great way to utilize the crowd in your effort to cut the coaches legs out from under him.

Mighty Ducks: Forcing the forfeit

Hey Coach Bombay, you think we’re losers? You think we need Adam Banks to have a chance against the Hawks? You were a former Hawk yourself? Well, we’re not coming out of the locker room and we’ll forfeit. We’ve lost the newly found confidence we had in ourselves for the next ten minutes of this movie. Thanks a lot.

 

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About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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