MLB Cuts off the Mets

The Mets are in big financial trouble.

Victims of the Bernie Madoff scandal brought a lawsuit against several Mets owners in November, claiming they had profited off the Madoff Ponzi scheme.

Spare any change?

The New York Times reported Major League Baseball made a $25 million loan to the Mets to help meet their financial obligations.

Yesterday, the Times reports MLB is done handing out money to the Mets. With the Mets still strapped for cash, their problem now requires creative solutions. Majority owner and Madoff profiteer Fred Wilpon announced these ball-park promotions today.

“Concession Voucher for Gold Day

Fans come out to Citifield and bring any old gold you happen to have lying around the house. Jewelry, commemorative coins, grandma’s fillings, anything gold and we’ll give you a concession voucher right on the spot. You’re not going to find better value for your gold than this!

“Homers that Help”

For every home run the Mets hit this year, St. Jude’s Children’s hospital will donate $500 to the New York Mets.

“Field of Dreams

For every game this season, we’ll allow a group of special kids (who win a contest by throwing the most change in the fountain) to come on the field before game time. There they’ll be allowed to cut and water the grass, chalk the infield, secure the bases and perform all the duties of a major league grounds crew.

“Mr. Met steals your identity day”

The first 12,000 unlucky fans that come to the ball park on this day will have their identities stolen by Mr. Met. How? He’s got a credit card reader in his giant head! No aluminum wallets please! Your credit will be thrashed as Mr. Met goes to various pay-day loan centers for quick cash to help pay our bills. 

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About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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