Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has imposed new strict guidelines on troubled wide-receiver Dez Bryant regarding his conduct off the field.
The rules, which include a ban on alcohol and strip clubs, stem from Bryant’s latest incident of allegedly assaulting his mother.
Here is the complete set of rules for Bryant.
-No strip clubs
-Rotating members of a three-man security team will leave one member with Bryant at all times.
-That security team will consist of two bouncers and the main guy from “NCIS”.
-Curfew is midnight.
-No clubbing, only one club a night.
-No video games with “life-like” violence.
-One hour of TV time a day.
-No South Park, Family Guy or any other cartoon promoting misbehavior.
-Waives right to bear arms
-No mother choking
-No fighting your security guards
-Rinse out dirty cereal bowls when done with them and place them in the dishwasher
-No yelling at Tony Romo
-No concerts if the the headlining act has 2 or more felonies.
-No tweeting anything that isn’t either a promotion for a charity event or “thoughts and prayers” for a tragedy.
-No Madden 2013 midnight-release parties.
-No “trolling” message boards debating the worth of Dez Bryant as a fantasy football pick.
-No installing ATM’s anywhere on the property.
-When someone uses the phrase YOLO, go home.