The Dez Bryant Rules

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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has imposed new strict guidelines on troubled wide-receiver Dez Bryant regarding his conduct off the field.

The rules, which include a ban on alcohol and strip clubs, stem from Bryant’s latest incident of allegedly assaulting his mother.

Here is the complete set of rules for Bryant.

-No alcohol

-No strip clubs

-Rotating members of a three-man security team will leave one member with Bryant at all times.

-That security team will consist of two bouncers and the main guy from “NCIS”.

-Curfew is midnight.

-No clubbing, only one club a night.

-No video games with “life-like” violence.

-One hour of TV time a day.

-No South Park, Family Guy or any other cartoon promoting misbehavior.

-Waives right to bear arms

-No mother choking

-No fighting your security guards

-Rinse out dirty cereal bowls when done with them and place them in the dishwasher

-No yelling at Tony Romo

-No concerts if the the headlining act has 2 or more felonies.

-No tweeting anything that isn’t either a promotion for a charity event or “thoughts and prayers” for a tragedy.

-No Madden 2013 midnight-release parties.

-No “trolling” message boards debating the worth of Dez Bryant as a fantasy football pick.

-No installing ATM’s anywhere on the property.

-When someone uses the phrase YOLO, go home.

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About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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One Response to The Dez Bryant Rules

  1. Jews4Jesus says:

    No feeding him after midnight; and don’t get him wet.

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