Icing The Kicker 2.0

Yesterday Andy Reid called a timeout just as New York Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes attempted the game-winning field goal. The kick went wide left. But it didn’t count, because Reid was doing what’s known as “icing the kicker”.

Luckily for Reid, Tynes missed his next kick as well.

While there is no evidence to show icing the kicker actually works, coaches continue to use timeouts to give kickers more time to think about their kick in order to let their nerves get to them.

So icing the kicker doesn’t work, but then what is a powerless coach supposed to do to give the appearance of wielding influence? Here’s some ideas.

-Instruct everyone on your sideline to stare at the opposite goal post to make the kicker think he’s kicking at the wrong end.

-Broadcast soccer highlights on the Jumbotron.

-Use a Voodoo doll and work the legs.

-Instruct your block team to turn their backs on the kicker and sit down cross-legged.

-Fake call a timeout and then have your block team walk around and drink Gatorade as if a timeout has been called.

-Cross your fingers.

-Hurl chunks of actual ice from water bucket at the kicker.

-Hold up a picture of the kicker’s long, lost Estonian family.

-Have YOUR kicker warm up, but then start kicking with some sort of unorthodox style. Like spin kicking or karate kicking the ball. Just to make the other kicker think there’s a better way to do it.

-Bring out your offense and line up like you have the ball and are running a play.

-Carry one actual Gypsy on your roster to bring out and curse the kicker.



About Andrew Sleighter

I'm a comedian from Seattle, recently transplanted to Los Angeles. I like watching sports.
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